I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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