I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
