I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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