So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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