Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
