Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
