i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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