Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
