I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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