im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You left your phone here
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