More tranny stories later!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
