hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
