Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
