Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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