yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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