If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
