It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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