whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
