Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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