Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
