i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
