The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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