Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
