My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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