can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Randomize
