Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
