she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
