I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
