so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
