I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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