Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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