Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
