I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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