someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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