But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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