Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
