eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
