I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
