Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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