when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
