which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
