You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
