she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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