I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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