if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
