Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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