How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
