I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
