Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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