So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
